The Facebook Test
Dear Facebook user,
Here at Facebook, we strive to give you the most enjoyable social networking experience possible. This cannot happen, however, without the help of a civil and responsible community of users.
That's why we have created this short exam for our users to take. To continue using our Facebook platform, you must answer each question on this exam correctly.
Thank you for your cooperation.
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1. TRUE OR FALSE? A great way to make friends is by sending FarmVille invitations.
2. Larry Longbottom is scrolling through Facebook when he sees a picture of his girlfriend, Lana Lululemon, at the beach with her ex-boyfriend, Chad. Larry is understandably upset. What should he do in this situation?
A. Update his status, saying, "Lana Lululemon is an (expletive) CHEATER"
B. Post to Lana's wall, saying, "YOU ARE AN (expletive) CHEATER"
C. Post to Chad's wall, saying, "(expletive) (expletive) (expletive), CHAD!"
D. None of the above
3. Billy Baller is at home watching sports and his team is losing badly. He is feeling very frustrated and wants to post his thoughts online. What should his post say?
A. "I can't believe Perkins missed that free throw! I hope his house burns down!"
B. "Why is Coach DUMBO running a 2-3 when we should obviously go man-to-man?!"
C. "FIRE COACH DUMBO"
D. "Go team!"
4. TRUE OR FALSE? Despite what Buzzfeed insists, you really don't HAVE to watch that video of someone's mind-blowing performance of that new Adele song on The Voice.
5. Frieda just made a turkey sandwich. Frieda should
A. Eat her turkey sandwich.
B. Post a picture of her turkey sandwich.
C. Update her status, saying, "just 8 a trkey sanwich. nom nom nom."
D. Invite all her friends to play FarmVille.
6. Bobby Bouchet is scrolling through Facebook when he sees a post from his old high school buddy, Terry Turdnugget. Terry said something incredibly racist. In this situation, Bobby should
A. Post an equally racist comment.
B. Call Terry out on his racism, attracting more racists to comment on his comment.
C. Try to argue with Terry, only confusing the racists and sending them into a wild frenzy.
D. Ignore it and block Terry's posts from showing up on his feed.
7. TRUE OR FALSE? Facebook has an automatic filter that blocks all future employers from seeing any photo of you containing drunkenness and/or a scandalous Halloween costume.
8. Holly Hampton is thinking about posting a selfie to Facebook today. Which of the following is the best caption for Holly's selfie?
A. "I just woke up like this, please don't judge me"
B. "This one goes out to all the haterz"
C. "Feeling kind of depressed today... *insert Green Day lyric*"
D. "This is a picture of me at the Eiffel Tower! Paris is awesome!"
9. TRUE OR FALSE? When you create a Facebook event for a family birthday party, you should send an invitation to ALL of your friends even if it annoys them, just to make sure you don't miss a family member.
10. Roxxy Honeyboobs sends you a friend request. You have never met Roxxy in real life but you are interested because she is an attractive young woman. You have eight mutual friends with Roxxy and they are all males between the ages of sixteen and nineteen. The only post on her timeline says, "I'm lonely and looking for a good time but I hate wearing clothes ;)". Roxxy is
A. A real person.
B. Genuinely interested in you.
C. A Russian supermodel living in your hometown.
D. A middle aged man trying to scam you.
11. TRUE OR FALSE? If you go on a mission trip, you must take a picture with an adorable child and make it your profile picture within thirty minutes of arriving back in the United States.
12. Mary Maroney is flipping through television channels one night when she happens to catch a fifteen second clip of her least favorite politician, Mark Mericka, giving a speech. Mary is enraged at the sight of Mark and wants to vent her anger. She should
A. Call Mark Mericka an ignorant idiot on Facebook.
B. Post a status that says, "I didn't hear Mericka make a single good point. He is garbage!"
C. Post a particularly unattractive picture of Mericka with a quote at the bottom that takes something he said completely out of context.
D. Refrain from posting belligerent political opinions for the sake of humanity.
13. TRUE OR FALSE? Facebook is an appropriate place to express your deepest feelings for your significant other.
14. As Sammy Stalker is looking through his buddy's vacation pictures, Sammy notices a very attractive girl in one of the photos. He investigates the girl and discovers that she lives half way across the country and has no real relation to Sammy in any way. What should Sammy do in this situation?
A. Slide in to her direct messages.
B. Send her a Facebook poke.
C. Comment on all of her bathing suit pictures.
D. All of the above.
E. None of the above.
15. You are on Facebook. What should you NOT do under any circumstances?
A. Say something mean.
B. Say something you wouldn't say in real life.
C. Do something you will regret later.
D. Be a jerk.
E. Intentionally anger someone of another political party/ religion/ sports team/ etc.
F. Invite someone to play FarmVille
G. All of the above.
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Thank you, again, for your cooperation. We will process your exams and return the results shortly.
Seasons greetings,
